her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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