In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
