I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
