he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We left the knife in your bed.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Randomize
