:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
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