I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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