My first STD was from a foam party
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I AM VODKA MAN
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
