Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Your penis caused this!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
