mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Someone signed my nipple.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
