OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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