Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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