If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
