I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
