and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
