I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
