hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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