sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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