Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
