hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
