Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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