i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
