It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
