I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
