if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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