Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We need a shit load of segways right now
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
