I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
