I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
