what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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