It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
