I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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