suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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