Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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