I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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