Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
