The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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