Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
