I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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