Well douche your snatch and let's go!
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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