3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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