I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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