Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
