I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
