I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
