I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
