grandma shit on top of the toilet
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
