Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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