i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I need to calm my uterus...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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