It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
