i barfeds in our rink
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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