she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
