ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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