ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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